Reflections on a year of marriage
My wife and I got married one year ago today in the lovely Hotel Schloss Rettershof in Kelkheim, just outside of Frankfurt. It was a beautiful and emotional ceremony surrounded by about 100 of our closest friends and family. So it’s bittersweet that I’m writing this from a hotel room in Singapore, 10,000 km from her. A long-planned work trip is why we’re spending our first wedding anniversary apart.
But I’m also filled with tender nostalgia because our first date was just a few kilometers from here in Chinatown. We met in 2018, just a few days after I landed in Singapore for what turned into a year of nomadic living. She was living here as an expat at the time and transitioning to move back to Europe.
Over the next six months, I found countless excuses to pass through the city, in transit between Bali, Vietnam, and India–in reality, I just wanted to see her. We also spent time here together in 2021 on our way to Bali, where I proposed. So, it's easy to see how Singapore holds a special place in our relationship and in our hearts.
Being apart on our anniversary is reflective of how much we have grown as a couple and what we’ve experienced together. Over the last six-and-a-half years, our relationship has been shaped by great moments of harmony, unique challenges, and sometimes distance. But it’s those very things that have made us stronger.
As I reflect on our relationship and our first year of marriage, here are the key lessons we learned along the way that helped us stay united when life keeps us apart.
- Be honest: Lies, even little ones, compound and weigh on your relationship. Speak the truth, even when it’s unpleasant.
- Listen attentively: Make a real effort to understand your spouse and how they feel. Empathize and support them however they need.
- Don’t sweat the small stuff: Avoid letting minor arguments snowball into larger ones—stop your ego from getting the best of you.
- Don’t go to bed angry: Getting a good night’s sleep can help you gain perspective and forgive more easily. Don’t let today’s troubles follow you to tomorrow.
- Adopt roles and responsibilities: A marriage is a partnership, and thrives on the combined strength of its parts.
- Commit to a fixed weekly date night: Block off a night of the week to do something together. It can be as simple as going to the movies or surprising one another with a special outing.
- Compliment freely: Praise and encourage your spouse to boost their self-esteem and help them grow into their best selves.
- Value your social life: In a post-pandemic world of cocooning and working from home, make an effort to see friends, go out, and have fun in a social setting.
- Take time apart: Give your spouse space when they need it, and encourage spending time apart with friends.
- Love unconditionally: Through the good times and the hard times, remember why you chose to spend your lives together and cherish every moment.
Even though we’re apart on this special day, I’m deeply grateful for how our marriage continues to help me grow, becoming more emotionally grounded and self-aware. No matter the distance—whether physical or emotional—we always find our way back to one another, stronger than ever.